An Afternoon At The Museum
by Skater3
Summary: A trip to the Santa Barbara Natural History Museum is never uneventful when Sheldon Cooper and Spencer Reid are involved. And then, when they are joined by the psychic detectives, things really get interesting.
1. Chapter 1

"Really Sheldon, I don't understand what your problem is," Amy declared as she led the way across the main lobby of the Santa Barbara Natural History Museum. "Bernadette and Penny's company underwrote this new exhibit on the human brain and we are here to attend the opening ceremony with them. That's what friends do – The support each other."

"I don't know why we had to drive all this way to see an exhibit on something I already know everything there is to know about," Sheldon whined. "And, it's not like museums are even accurate. Just about everything in them is mislabeled."

"So, while we are here looking at the new exhibit, why don't you take the opportunity to point out the mistakes to the executives of the pharmaceutical company who are in attendance?" Amy suggested. "I am sure they would be interested in hearing the opinion of a sophisticated, educated individual such as yourself."

"Amy, what an excellent idea!" Sheldon perked up. "It will give me an opportunity to contribute to the education of the common man – Of which I, of course, am definitely not one."

"That's the spirit," Amy sighed and shook her head as they began following the signs pointing towards the new exhibit. This was going to be a long day.

 **~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

"Shawn, you know how much I hate having to deal with the higher ups from our Corporate Office in Los Angeles." Gus was arguing with his partner in their psychic detective agency as they walked into the lobby of the Santa Barbara Natural History Museum.

"And, besides, every time we come here I have to see the sign on the dinosaur skeleton I discovered with my name misspelled," he continued disgustedly.

"Calm down, Gus," Shawn counseled. "For all you know that sign is correct and your family has been misspelling your name for years."

"I don't think so, Shawn," Gus argued. "I was named after my mother's brother and that is the way he spells his name. So, that means the spelling is a family tradition." He smirked at his best friend.

"As for the people attending from Los Angeles," Shawn continued. "Consider this an opportunity to further your career. Maybe hook up with some other salesperson who can give you some hints."

"I don't need any hints," Gus contradicted him. "I am already the top salesperson in this area. If anything, they should be asking me for advice."

"The signs say we should go this way." He began leading the way down the corridor towards the new exhibit.

 **~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

"I think this is so exciting!" Garcia exclaimed as she, Morgan, and Reid walked through the front door and into the lobby of the Santa Barbara Natural History Museum. "Just think - I am about to see 3-D images of my favorite genius's brain for the very first time!"

"How did they ever decide to use your brain for this exhibit, Pretty Boy?" Morgan teased. "Were they impressed by the amount of knowledge it contains?"

"Um – m –m-, No," Reid stuttered. "Actually, a doctor I went to when I was having my headaches took the original images. Then, when one of the pharmaceutical reps he deals with on a regular basis asked if he knew of any images that would be suitable for this exhibit, he thought of mine. And, apparently, when the curator in charge of designing this exhibit saw them, he liked what he saw."

"As if anyone wouldn't approve of you when they saw you," Garcia interjected.

"We're lucky that the team just finished up that case in Los Angeles," Morgan observed. "And, that Hotch agreed to us taking an extra day off so we could drive up here."

"It was a beautiful drive up the coast," Garcia smiled.

"Which took 1 hour 33 minutes to travel 95.2 miles," Reid pointed out. "I still say we should have taken the – "

"Enough!" Morgan interrupted. "Let's just go see the exhibit. When it is time to leave we can discuss preferred routes back to the hotel then."

"Okay, right this way," Garcia positioned herself between the two men and, after intertwining her arms with theirs, maneuvered them down the indicated hallway.


	2. Chapter 2

"Welcome!" Penny, champagne glass in hand, greeted Sheldon and Amy as they walked into the main room of the exhibit. "I am so glad you could make it."

"I will have you know it took us 1 hour and 47 minutes to drive here," Sheldon began. "And that is time that could have been better spent – "

"We know, we know," Leonard interrupted him. "But you are here so let's make the best of it."

"Of course he is going to make the best of it," Bernadette declared as she and Howard, both holding glasses of champagne, walked over to join the group. "Because if he doesn't – " she left the threat unspoken.

"Have you seen these 3-D images of the brain?" Raj interrupted excitedly as he hurried over to join his friends. "It is almost like being able to see inside someone's skull."

"Probably some deficient specimen," Sheldon sniffed. "I can picture them now – Probably a grade school drop out desperate for a little bit of attention."

"You would be wrong, Dr. Cooper," a familiar voice told him.

"Dr. Reid?" Sheldon questioned as he turned to face his academic rival. "Why are you here?"

"My team just finished up a case in Los Angeles," Reid told him. "And, since we have a day off before going back to Quantico, some of my colleagues and I decided to attend the opening of this new exhibit so I could see first hand what the curator had done with the images of my brain."

"Well, the exhibit is sponsored by my friends' pharmaceutical company," Amy told him proudly. "Bernadette here is one of their top researchers and Penny is one of their sales reps."

"And I, personally, have done research into various brain functions," she added smugly.

"That's right," Penny held up her champagne glass. "We must investigate the brain functions. Otherwise, everyone might be stuck with a malfunctioning brain."

"I need some more champagne," she added, looking down into her empty glass.

"I don't think so," Leonard opinioned as he took the glass from her. "I think you have had enough. Isn't your boss around here somewhere?"

 **~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

"Gus, you didn't tell me there were going to be snacks here," Shawn's voice was muffled by the hors d'oeuvre he was eating. "And champagne, too. This has got to be one of the nicest places you have ever taken me."

The two psychic detectives were standing by the catering tables waiting for the museum director and the pharmaceutical corporate executives to begin their remarks officially opening the exhibit.

"Shawn," Gus stage whispered. "Look over there – and don't be obvious about it."

"Where?" Shawn turned around to look around the room.

"Over there – At that group standing just inside the doorway," Gus instructed. "And, keep your voice down!"

"Nice looking blonds," Shawn commented, brushing the crumbs off his face. "Are you sure they're not out of your league?"

"Not all of them," Gus whispered. "Just the one with the short hair."

"The one with that shrimpy-looking guy?" Shawn questioned. "You might stand a chance there."

"No!" Gus insisted. "That's Penny. She's the new star salesperson in the Pasadena area. She's my competition for the Salesperson of the Year Award for Southern California."

"Well, what do you say we check her out?" Shawn suggested as he began strolling towards the group.

"SHAWN!" Gus pasted a smile on his face as he hurried after his friend.

 **~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~**

"Allow me to introduce myself – Psychic Detective Shawn Spencer," Shawn began once he had reached the group. "And this is my partner, Professor Doolittle."

"Doolittle? You mean like in My Fair Lady?" Penny asked, confused.

"No, that was Professor Henry Higgins," Reid immediately corrected her. "Although I believe it was never clarified as to what exactly he was a professor of."

"Something to do with linguistics, I believe," Gus told her. "And that really isn't my name, I am Burton Guster, but my friends call me Gus." He smiled at her.

"Oh, you're the one," Penny replied as she stared at him.

"Which one?" Leonard immediately asked.

"The one who is trying to outsell me," Penny replied. "And don't think you are going to get away with it, Buddy." She glowered at Gus.

"Ms. Um – um – um," an older gentleman wearing a dark business suit had walked over to the group. "Ms. Penny, isn't it?"

"Yes," Penny replied. "And, you are?" She pulled her shoulders back, pushing her breasts into prominence, which earned her a glare from Bernadette.

"Gilmore Westwood," the man replied.

"Oh, I know who you are," Penny cheered. "You are the Vice President of Public Affairs. Are you here to open this brainy exhibit?"

"I am scheduled to make some remarks," Mr. Westwood confirmed.

"Good to meet you, Mr. Westwood," Gus held out his hand to shake. "I am Burton Guster, the sales rep for this area. This museum is located in my sales territory."

"Yes, Yes, of course," the vice president was looking at Garcia as he shook Gus's hand.

"And you, my dear, are?" he questioned the colorful computer tech.

"With the FBI," Morgan declared.


	3. Chapter 3

"The FBI?" Mr. Westwood repeated incredulously while dropping Gus's hand and taking a step backwards. "What is the FBI doing here?"

"We are from the Behavioral Analysis Unit," Garcia explained cheerfully. "We deal what goes on in people's brains and this exhibit is all about brains."

"The 3-D images used in the exhibit are of my brain," Reid added. "And I wanted to see what they look like."

"My brain would have offered a much better specimen," Sheldon interrupted. "Although no one bothered to ask me if they could use it." He glared at both Penny and Bernadette.

"That's very interesting," Mr. Westwood told the group. "However, if you will excuse me, I need to go over my notes for my speech." He nodded to everyone and hurried away.

"Interesting," Raj commented.

"It was like he couldn't get away from us fast enough," Shawn remarked thoughtfully.

"What did you say he was in charge of?" Morgan asked Gus.

"Public Affairs," Gus replied. "That's not something that could get him into trouble with the FBI – At least I don't think so."

"Defensive posture," Reid said thoughtfully. "And, putting distance between himself and a female he was obviously attracted to. He definitely is up to something."

"Ohm – m – m – m ", Shawn began chanting and holding his fingers on his face, next to his now closed eyes. "Ohm – m – m - I am definitely sensing something here."

"Shawn, cut it out!" Gus demanded. "This is my company and my job and my vice president we are talking about here."

"Are you really psychic?" Penny asked interestedly. "Because, if you are, I have some questions I would like answers to."

"There is no such thing as a psychic," Howard interrupted. "He's just putting on an act."

"Says who?" Shawn eyed Howard closely. "Your mother?"

"Oh No - You leave my mother out of this!" Howard warned angrily.

"Okay, guys," Penny interrupted. "Forget Howard's mother for a minute. I am going to get some answers." She adjusted her 'girls'.

"Let's see what Mr. Westwood has to say to this!" She began walking across the room towards the area where the executives were gathered.

"Penny!" Leonard hurried after her. "Penny – That might not be a good idea right now!"

"As Penny's bestie it is my responsibility to help her see that this confrontation is not in her best interest," Amy declared as she began following Leonard.

"Oh Cool It!" Bernadette told her. "Leonard should be able to handle things. And, if he can't, I'll just tell the big shots what they should do. After all, I am one of their foremost researchers."

"She'll do it, too," Howard muttered to himself, shaking his head.

"Will they listen?" Morgan asked, intrigued.

"Oh, Yes," Raj told him. "Bernadette tends to make her point quite emphatically."

"And, now, my lovely lady," he turned to address Garcia. "While the rest of this group goes in pursuit of a potential criminal, perhaps you would care to accompany me on a stroll through the artifacts." He offered her his arm.

As Morgan watched in amazement, Garcia smiled at Raj. "It would be my pleasure, kind sir," she told him as she took the offered arm, and the two of them wandered off into the exhibition area.

"I don't believe that," Morgan looked at Reid. "Did she just go off with him?"

"They were together when they left here," Reid stated. "So, my assumption is - Yes, she did go off with him."


	4. Chapter 4

As Penny, followed by Leonard and Amy, strutted her way towards the front of the room where the executives were standing, one of the men moved over to the podium and the speakers in the room suddenly came to life.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Ladies and Gentlemen," he spoke into the microphone. "If I may have your attention please. In just a few moments, we will be getting the official opening of this new exhibit underway. So, if you would like to take your seats. Thank you."

He then moved away from the podium and his place was taken by another man, also wearing a suit, who began studying some note cards.

"Well, I guess that means that we had better take our seats," Leonard attempted to steer Penny towards the chairs which had been set up in the middle of the room.

"A seat to sit in sounds good," Penny agreed. "And, then, when it is over with I can find out whatever it is that isn't sitting right with Mr. What's-His-Face."

After grabbing another glass of champagne from a passing waiter, she took a seat in the middle of the nearest row with Leonard quickly taking the seat next to her. After making sure they were apparently going to be staying there, Amy turned to hurry back to Sheldon.

"I think I'll sit down," Howard said. "Bernie – Join me?" He offered her his arm.

"Well, okay," Bernadette agreed. "Although that probably means that I won't be able to see anything."

"You'll be able to see me," Howard reminded her. "What else is there worth seeing around here?" He smirked at his wife as he began leading the way towards the chairs.

"I, for one, will stand," Sheldon declared. "Who know who has been sitting in those chairs? They could be chocked full of germs."

"Not to mention we have no idea of where they have been stored," Reid added. "Rat droppings." He shuddered.

"He has a mistress," Shawn suddenly declared. "He is wearing a wedding ring so he has a girlfriend on the side. That's what is going on."

"Why do you say that?" Gus asked.

"His clothes are all wrinkled," Reid realized. "And, that would indicate that they weren't properly hung up."

"Like they were thrown on the floor while he – " Gus paused, uncertain how to continue.

"If he had been at home when his clothes were discarded, his wife would have made sure he put on something that hadn't been – ravaged," Shawn added.

"Ravaged?" Sheldon looked confused for a moment. "Oh – You mean he had coitus and then put the same clothes back on – **EUH!** "

Standing next to him, Amy blushed.

"But, why would the fact that the FBI is here upset him?" Morgan questioned. "We don't care who he is sleeping with."

"Could he be skimming money from the company to support his mistress?" Shawn suggested.

"He is the Vice President of Public Affairs," Gus reminded him. "He wouldn't have access to any of the company's finances."

"His cash may not be coming from within your company," Reid said thoughtfully. "He could be selling information to your competitors."

"All he would need would be a request to arrange for a public announcement concerning the release of a new product," Morgan theorized. "And, he could pass the information concerning the release date on to a competitor."

"Didn't you tell me not too long ago about how one of your competitors beat you to the market with a new drug?" Shawn asked Gus.

"Yeah – But all drug companies are working on similar drugs," Gus replied. "It wasn't all that surprising."

"But those jerks shouldn't have gotten a jump on my drug," Bernadette interrupted as she walked over. "It was light years ahead of anything they have done in the past."

"I couldn't see anything from where I was sitting," she explained. "Howie means well, but sometimes he just doesn't think things through."

"And, now that I think about it," she continued. "About six months ago there was another drug that hit the market several weeks ahead of ours. And, again, there is no way that company could have been that far ahead of us. Of course, they are paying for it now. The people who took that drug ended up growing excessive hair on the backs of their hands. It promises to be quite a lawsuit." She giggled.

"So, how do we catch this guy?" Morgan asked. "It definitely isn't an FBI case, so we can't officially get involved."

"What about unofficially?" Shawn suggested with a smirk.


	5. Chapter 5

"If I may have your attention please?" the man speaking into the microphone was obviously an academic, from his messy hair to his 'nerd' glasses to his rumpled suit.

"I would like to begin this opening ceremony by introducing myself," he continued. "For those of you who don't know me, my name is Dr. Anson Brown and I am the Director of the Santa Barbara Natural History Museum."

"On my right we have Mr. Maxwell Shaffer, President of - "

 **"** **Ohm –m – m- "** Shawn began chanting loudly from the back of the room. **"** **Ohm - m – m – m – "**

"Excuse me, Mr. Shaffer, Sir," Gus began, embarrassed. "I would like you to know that I am in no way involved with this individual, even through he considers me to be his partner in his psychic detective agency, and there is no way - "

"Oh Can It, Gus!" Penny burst out from where she was sitting. "You know that you are just trying to butter up the big shots. You're just jealous because I have built-in assets." She wiggled her shoulders, almost spilling the champagne that was left in her glass.

"Sweetie, why don't you let me have this?" Leonard said as he attempted to take the glass from her.

"Now," Penny turned her attention to the President. "Maybe we had better listen to the psychic."

"Yes," Reid suggested. "It is a proven fact that there are various phenomena in the universe for which there are no reasonable explanations. Therefore, it may behoove us to listen to what this man has to say."

"Yes, listen to the brainiac," Garcia said. She and Raj had rejoined the group. "He's probably the smartest person here."

"I beg your pardon!" Sheldon interrupted angrily. "I will have you know that Dr. Reid – "

" **Ohm –m – m** \- I am sensing something," Shawn moaned as he put his hands on the sides of his head and stumbled closer to the front of the room. "And it seems to be coming from – " He stopped and looked at the men standing there.

"You!" Shawn pointed at Mr. Westwood.

 **"** **ME?"** the man questioned. "Why me? What did I do?" He turned three shades of pale.

"I see a blond," Shawn moaned. "And you and she are – close."

"And it isn't me, Buster," Penny burst out. "And it isn't that other blond who was just here and then left with Raj either."

"Penny!" Leonard warned her.

"It had better not be Garcia!" Morgan warned the man. "Because if it is – " He flexed his muscles and glared at the man.

"And it's not me, either," Bernadette piped up.

"It isn't any of them," the Vice President insisted. "And, I don't know why I did what I did but I did it and now – " He turned to the company president. "You had probably better fire me right now," he confessed.

"What about if I just declare this exhibit open?" Dr. Brown suggested hurriedly. "Everyone please go in and enjoy yourselves." He moved away from the podium and proceeded to lead the two executives out of the room.

"Well, I guess that is the end of that," Sheldon told Amy. "Can we go home now?"

"Not until I have seen the exhibit," Amy replied. "I really want to see the inside of Dr. Reid's brain." She attempted to bat her eyes at Reid.

"You've never shown any interest in seeing the inside of my brain," Sheldon protested.

"Only because that would involve opening up your skull and dissecting it," Amy replied. "Now, come along and let's see what mistakes you can find in the labeling." She headed towards the exhibit, dragging a reluctant Sheldon behind her.

"Well, what do you think, 187?" Garcia asked. "Do you want to see what they did with your brain?"

"You will undoubtedly find it to be quite interesting," Raj spoke up. "I know I have used 3-D modeling in my work and I find it to be quite beneficial."

"What exactly is it that you work on?" Reid was asking as the two scientists walked into the exhibit.

"Well, My Tech Goddess, it looks like you are left with me," Morgan smiled knowingly at Garcia.

"Not for long," Garcia replied pertly. "It seems that there is an upcoming exhibit at the Smithsonian that Raj is interested in seeing. He's going to call me when his travel arrangements have been completed."

As she led the way into the exhibit, Morgan slowly followed behind her, sadly shaking his head.

 **The End**

* * *

 **Thus ends the story of the confrontation at the Santa Barbara Natural History Museum. I apologize for having a plethora of characters, but once I started writing Shawn and Gus just kind of walked into the story and made themselves at home. They promised to behave, so I let them stay.**

 **I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Let me know what you think!**


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